Cat crime

Cat’s and crime go together like… Mustard and ketchup. It’s just natural! In the medieval welsh laws, there are two crimes regarding cats. One of them is by the cat, the other is to the cat.

By the cat

If a cat causes damage to somebodies garden while, say: catching a mouse, their owner would have to pay for the damages done to the garden. How that is calculated I couldn’t possibly know but I would guess the math gods of the ancient world would calculate the damages. Maybe a few ceiniog would do?

To the cat

If a cat were to get injured or… Worse, the convicted would get a punishment; this punishment is (sadly) only outlined in two of the legal codes, but I would guess that the province without these laws have their own methods of punishing these disgusting cat-attackers. Burn them at the stake! Ahem, in the legal codes mentioning the punishment for such crime is as follows:

“The cat is to be held with its head to the ground, and its tail lifted up. Wheat is then poured around it until the tail is completely covered, and that is the fine paid to the owner.”

Which is an unconventional way of punishing animal abuse, I would quite honestly prefer burning the attacker at the stake and eating their flesh as revenge. Gwent’s legal code specifies that this only happens if the damages are to the kings cat, and Dyfed’s mentions that it can either be paid in this way, or with one adult sheep and her lambs. While I have no problem with punishing animal abuse, isn’t it animal abuse to hold a cat with its head to the ground, it’s tail lifted up and then pour wheat around it? Doesn’t that sound pretty cruel? Like geez, just burn them at the stake already! Also, cats aren’t stupid, they resist things like that, meaning that quite possibly the hardest job in the welsh court was to hold a cat upside down with its head to the ground and tail lifted up. That’s weird, like really weird.

Below is an improved* version of the cat crime legal code of the ancient kingdom of wales in an attempt to improve the rights of both cats and medieval peasants of the time - Elis Staaf:

1 §
Crimes done by the cat and their respective punishments. If a cat were to destroy a farmers crops or any other property of theirs, the cat’s owner is to pay a fine to the farmer. This fine is set at 6 welsh ceiniog and is to be paid immediately.

2 §
Crimes done to the cat and their respective punishments. If a cat was to be injured or possibly killed, the cat’s attacker needs to pay a fine of 10 welsh ceiniog to the cat’s owner. This fine is to be paid immediately.

Under my belief, this is a much better legal code if your goal is to improve the rights of cats and farmers of the time. Cats were of course important at the time so I could see Hywel the Good passing this law. The problem with that is that he is dead and the Cyfraith Cath is long gone from the welsh (or british?) legal code. It’s a bit too late, but eh, whatever.

*According to me, of course.

Next chapter: The cat salesman I

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